Why you keep checking their social media (and how to stop)

The pull to check an ex's social media is not weakness. It is intermittent reinforcement — the same mechanism that makes slot machines compelling. You check, and most of the time there is nothing new. But sometimes there is, and that unpredictable hit is exactly what keeps the loop open.

Practical blockers, not willpower

• Mute or unfollow them, and their close friends, so their posts stop appearing in your feed.
• Move the app off your home screen, or log out so checking takes an extra step.
• Use a screen-time limit on the app you check most.
• Keep your phone in another room during the hours you're most likely to check.

What to do in the ten seconds before you open the app

The urge to check is strongest in the first ten seconds. In that window, do one concrete thing instead: stand up, drink some water, write down what you were about to look for. The urge usually passes if you give it ten seconds of something else to do.

The reading on the home page can show you where you are on the arc, so you know what tends to help right now.